In Search Of The Light

A primary purpose of any body shop, the major portion of whose business is insurance-related, is to estimate the cost of repairing a damaged car. They have online screens to find any part for any vehicle. How many problems could there be in looking up the cost of a driver’s side rear light cluster and a replacement windshield for a factory-produced car with no aftermarket parts or custom work?

A lot.

Angelo, the full-sized and boisterous manager, gave the impression of being on the way down from a rather large amphetamine hit. He tried to locate a rear light cluster through his online system but, every minute at most, the phone on his desk would ring and his right arm would snake out like a whip and snatch it up before the first note had ended. There would then follow several minutes of one-sided mundane conversation that would cause him to roll his eyes towards the ceiling, occasionally glance in my direction and make nonsense gestures towards the unheard voice talking in his ear.

Between each telephonic iteration, he’d forget the car’s official designation of 2004 Mazdaspeed MX-5 Turbo and check his screen for a fictitious model. Had he not been such a talker, I’d possibly not have known.

In Angelo’s mind, the car switched between a 2004 Miata, an M5 and a Mazda 5. Eventually, after learning that it had a 6-speed manual transmission, it became a Mazda-6X, which produced much tut-tutting and head shaking, as though he’d stumbled upon a forgotten truth.

I soon learned that he was listening to the voices in his head and not the one from my side of the desk. More than slightly unnerved and waiting for either Angelo to scream ‘Eureka’ and leap upon the desk in a dance of triumph, or grab a hidden meat cleaver and slice off my head, I sat and tried to pretend that this was all quite normal and something I did every day.

After the online system bore no fruit, he began calling other body shops to track down the parts. None had a rear light cluster for whatever collection of words and mnemonics had popped into his mind between incoming calls, until one place said that they had.

Now I’m worried. I have an appointment to drop the car off next week at 8.00am. If the part doesn’t fit, will they cut pieces off and hammer it into submission, then fill the gaps with paint and sawdust? Like we used to do with fence panels back in the garden centre in England?

Let’s just wait and see….